Holy Cookies, Batman!

Today is the day I am going to make cookies for my Christmas plates for the neighbors. I may end up doing this again as I have two more gifts that I haven't got. They are both for men, so I figure if I have no luck shopping this next time, then cookies should be good. Who doesn't love home made cookies? Yesterday was obviously a bust in the shopping department, I hope it goes better this afternoon. Merry almost Christmas!!!

Blah!

Shopping sucks!


The end.

And A Merry Christmas To You Too Sir!

Dear Kalamites, Kalamans, or whatever you choose to be called,
I own exactly one beanie. I am sorry that it is black. I am also sorry that I wear the same black sweat shirt whenever I go out. I do own an Aerapostle, or however you spell it, hoodie. It lives in my closet because it is too big, and when I wear it I look like a sad M&M. I am sorry I do not buy new shiny things to wear and impress you with. Anything I don't need, I can save the money for something my child needs...or something else for him, (or someone else), for Christmas. I am sorry that my black messenger bag is weird, and that the reusable grocery bags that are inside it, are even weirder. Did you know a plastic grocery bag will last twenty years in a land fill. I have a son, maybe someday I will have another. I want to preserve things for them. I want to teach them the joy of vegetables that they cultivated. I want them to know that what is inside them is so much more important than the clothes they put on them.
Dear Kalama, I am sorry that you do not understand why I still smile and say "Merry Christmas!" when you are scowling. It's because I am a christian. It's not my job to be mean back. And I can't let your actions change who I am inside. Who I am is the girl who will keep smiling at you, because someday, you might smile back.

What More Than Sorry Can I Be

I don't have a lot of words today. So here is a Ben Harper song that seems to pretty accurately express what I feel today.


goodbye
hasn't been so good to me
stepped out into the night
back against the moon
i saw ten thousand hands with candlelight
we all think that we're right
it's hard to tell
if the night is full of hope or doom

what more than sorry can i say
what more than sorry can i be
before our love fades away
what more than sorry
do you want from me

my eyes
burn with unshed tears
my body is weak
from so many silent years
too many people say goodbye
before they say hello
step into the morning
and disappear

what more than sorry can i say
what more than sorry can i be
before our love fades away
what more than sorry
do you want from me

what more than sorry can i say
what more than sorry can i be
before our love fades away
what more than sorry
do you want from me

I just wanted to say...

There are a few things that I have wanted to say to a few people in my life, and have yet to do so. So here in no particular order, are things I would like to say. If you think I am talking to you, I just might be. Ask. Some might be things you need to hear, even if they weren't originally meant for you.

I want you to know that you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.
I want you to know that you are strong enough to leave.
I want you to know that I love you, even if I am too embarrassed to utter the phrase.
I want you to know that I value your friendship, even though I am not sure that you value me.
I want you to know that everybody hurts.
I want you to know that knowing you has shaped part of me.
I want you to know that it is okay to hope. Sometimes it's all we have.
I want you to know that there is someone out there that God made just for you.
I want you to know that I am always in your heart.
I want you to know how much you make me hurt.
I want you to know that I am not as strong as I want to be.
I want you to know that it's okay to let me in.
I want you to know that there is nothing more than sorry, that I can be.
I want you to know that you're worth it.
I want you to know that you can write that novel.
I want you to know that it will get better.
I want you to know that I will help you in any way I can.
I want you to know that I am scared too.

Aw, F*ck It.

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping. I've been saving money up to move, for a few months now. Couldn't take it anymore. The year has been bad all around, and damn it my kid is going to have an awesome Christmas, come hell or high water. I bought him a recliner. It's so fricken cute. I also found the cutest "God's Little Princess Bible" for Layla. I was actually about to buy her a velor track suit, but I wasn't sure what her mommy would think about that. I don't know, I may end up getting it anyway, lol. The little bible was way too cute to pass up though. It has a little crown on the front. I am glad she had a girl so that I have one to buy for. Now all I have to do is get some gift boxes, stocking stuffers, and tape.

Happy December

I've been listening to the ships blowing their fog horns all night. If I don't look out the window, I can imagine myself all the way to the ocean. It's December, and outside it is nothing but gloom. This is Kalama, the one place on earth where it can simultaneously pour rain and be fogged in.