Pickles and Peanut Butter

First off where have I been lately? I was watching one of those "I Love The New Millennium" shows the other day when they said something about McDonald's having pancakes with syrup in the middle of them. Gross, but not the point. Apparently these things have been around since 2005. Now, I rarely go to McDonald's, but I managed to miss every one of their commercials for the last three years. It's okay being as my Not-better-half tells me they are highly annoying. Anyway I just thought that was funny.
On to the pickles and the peanut butter. Yesterday we went on a picnic with Mike's parents. Boy was I lucky to be nauseous and save my sandwich for later, for I would have missed out on what I thought was an interesting take on cuisine, and an entertaining conversation. So when I do decide that it is cool enough outside I take a giant bite out of said sandwich. "Oh God, it's miracle whip". I am so lucky that I didn't do that in front of his dad because he did his best. Besides it's not the guys fault he prefers sugary mayonnaise type stuff. This sets us off on a conversation of foods that he ate growing up, that I had never fathomed putting together. He ate things like "finger sandwiches", which are so not what you are thinking right now. They consist of hot dogs cut in half so it looks like you are eating a sandwich of actual fingers. He also likes to mix his tuna and egg salad sandwiches, which aren't complete without a healthy spreading of butter on the bread first. Then he moves on to talk about his school time lunches when prepared by his father. Most of the time it were made of bologna, mustard and butter, ewwww. I tell him about feeling like a jack ass last week when our friend Jenny said she was going home to make macaroni and cheese with tuna in it, and I was dumbfounded by the idea. I say something stupid like I'd never even thought of that. Way to show that college education Lynn. And he says it's southern poor food as he laughs. Oh well it's not like he knows what campechanas or bunuelos are so there. But then he totally grosses me out completely when he says his father likes to eat peanut butter and pickle sandwiches. Ewwwwww! Apparently these things are new to only me, so I must have been under a rock.
P.S. What is lima bean casserole?
*smiles*

Gramps, Daddy, and Phoenix

Yesterday we went on a picnic with Mike's parents. It was an all around strange and uncomfortable day. But there was a funny picture to be gained that I thought I would share. I would just like to say that Mike is not drunk, his dad is not scared, and I am not sure why all of them are leaning to the left on a perfectly level surface. Enjoy!

All Apologies

I came to the shocking realization the other night that I am letting other people's piss poor attitudes change me. I took a look at my last few blogs and thought Geez these are really about negativity. The thing is though, most of the time it is about other people being negative and how it affects me, rather than me just waking up angry. I am a happy person, with a beautiful child, and I even have a Not-better-half, to help me raise him. I have a best friend who deals with all of thiese things with me without a blink, even though she has her fair share and then some of people who do not so kosher things to her too. I daily thank God, that she's there, because a lot of the time it takes her looking from the outside in, to point out the humor in ALL situations. And I have her husband who lends her ear to me daily, and never complains about the hours I keep her on the phone. Even when he doesn't understand how we could start a conversation about fishing poles and end it on the retard we call the president. I have two parents who love me in their own weird way. She the stoic, stayed one, and him, well he's a horse of a different color! I have a lot of people that I love, and who love me. My life is filled with humor and love, and that is what this blog is about. Not hatred. I was a horribly angry child and teenager, and my early twenties were not all sunshine and daisies either. But I have spent a very long time trying to get myself right with God, turn the other cheek, and let things roll of my back. As my mother says "Be the Duck Lynn, be the duck, watch the water roll right off". It took me a long time to be positive and learn how to give the things that I cannot change to God. But as of late, I forgot that along the way. I spent all my time dwelling on the wrongs that have been done to me and not the rights. Not the things that I do have. So I want to apologize for loosing sight of things for a minute. In with the good, out with the bad. I can't promise there won't be the occasional "Are you f*ing kidding me blog", after all I am human. But it will be a lot more positive from here on out.

Are you F-ing Kidding Me

I would like to preface this post with the fact that I tried very hard to like this person, but enough is enough. As everybody knows my family always has a butt load of drama surrounding them. I try my best to stay out of it, but well, you have to get involved when someone starts throwing your name out there. So Mike's dad calls and asks me about going to dinner on Wednesday. I've spent all week trying to avoid seeing them on that day because my parents are coming to visit, and frankly I am not going to allow her to act stupid in front of them. Furthermore, I will not hold my father back when she shoves her foot in her mouth. So the best thing for all parties involved, especially my son, is to avoid the two of them being in the same vicinity right? Well it just so happens that I am trying to deal with said family drama and don't get a chance to run it by Mike yet. So of course within 20 minutes his dad calls back to ask AGAIN about dinner on Wednesday. So I apologize for not talking to Mike yet as I have this junk going on currently. As I am explaining the story I hear in the background : "I AM NOT AN IDIOT! I KNOW WHEN TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!!!". Which is funny in itself, because as A. pointed out, if that were true, then why is she talking? I needed the laugh. Anyway, I ask him what she knows when to keep her mouth shut about and why is she an idiot? He says something like oh no we are talking about something else, I gotta go, and promptly hangs up.
Now in the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal. But for three years I have been at the wrong end of her barbs, and I am over it. For example a month ago I had to sit her and listen as she laughed about how her friends and her like to go out to eat at "Beaneries", other wise known as Mexican Restaurants. How my brother's illness is a sign of his immorality. How it's a good thing he can't infect anybody else now. How I am a bad mother. How I am a hypocrite because I drink Pepsi and don't allow my 22 month old to do so. The list goes on and on. My question is how much is too much. She's talked shit about my parents, she's talked shit about me. She's put me down in front of my child, and yet I am still asked to be silent. She is draining the life from me, and killing my relationship. And I cannot make him see it. I am truly sorry that I feel this way about his mother. But I really tried, and I cannot teach my son to let people put him down and keep mum. There is nothing wrong with him, he is perfect in every way. I refuse to let her break him down like she did her poor children, and like she's trying to do to me. How do I make him understand that I feel abandoned. I told him last night in no uncertain terms that I have decided that her being around me or Phoenix is not condusive to his development. I am sorry, do what you will to me, but you won't ruin my child.

The End.

I thought stupid was bad

Life has been hectic, and Phoenix is adding to his lexicon daily. Unfortunately for me yesterday's words were all bad. I got a nice clear "Damn it" followed quickly by an F bomb. Oh sh*t. And to add to the misfortune, Mike's mother came over and I'd bet dollars to doughnuts she was coaxing it out of him. As when he went to sit over there he found great joy in repeating it to her delight. "Guess what Phoenix just said for me"? Well gee thanks for encouraging it. The rest of the visit turned out to be just as pleasant, what with the arrival right at dinner time, and my child refusing to eat, because he was too busy playing with his new book from his normally absentee grandmother. More on that later. Along with his new curse words he had suddenly developed a fear of the bath tub, but not the swimming pool. And has learned how to throw a complete tantrum. Ugh.

Dude, my kid just said Google

So last week when I happily texted A. with "Dude, my kid just said Google", two things happened. One I realized we say the word Google way to much around here. And two, how many more interesting things were going to come out of his mouth so quickly. The week has been peppered with interesting things like, "What does Daddy say Phoenix"? He replies "No". I thought it was hilarious, Mike did not. Today however, I got my fair share. We woke up this morning and mommy diligently made eggs and accoutremon. Phoenix has started this lovely new trait which involves throwing the food over the side of the high chair to let me know he is finished. Only today he just decided to pick up bits of food one by one, and drop them over the side right from the beginning. I was washing dishes and turned around and said, "Oh really"?. To my surprise, the little darling looked right up at me and said, "Really." Okay this is a little amusing I suppose. We all knew he was going to have a bit of a ornery streak. But then two hours later when he said something that sounded just like "You're stupid", I thought it was just my ears. So I ask him if he just called me stupid. "You are" was the reply. At first I tried to fool myself and make up something stupid that he must have really said. NO. Mike heard the whole dialog and confirmed that my child had in fact just called me stupid.

Just a little foot note, the little monkey also decided to turn around and put his butt out when asked for a kiss not too long ago. Maybe it will be a one time thing. But I doubt it, as every one thought it was hilarious, and he is a little ham.

Enough with the drama already

In the past few days I've fought with the water company, made corsages that where "too much", wrangled a wiggle worm, had a cousin in the hospital, and offered to take in a three year old, if it comes to that. I spent most of yesterday off and on crying about that poor baby, and feeling sick to my stomach that his worthless mother is my cousin. And felt ashamed. I argued with my mother about politics, I got made fun of because I don't want to support big corporations ruling the world. I've been called an extremist, and a wetback. I've managed to piss off a town by singing along with my headphones while in public. My not-better-half sided with someone who I was trying to defend him against. My son seems to be really averse to the idea of potty training. Oh well. I've been fighting the good fight I suppose, but damn it, if I'm not tired. At least I have a kindred spirit, or as she says, "we have to be from the same gene pool". Lately I have dominated the first half hour or so of conversation, and let me tell you, I am not relishing that fact. While I am glad to have her not be the one with the drama of the day, I am still sad because, well, she still hears my drama. But at the same time, she is a master of the subtle art of subject changing. No matter what it is, there is a thread there that can be seamlessly woven into something else. Ah friendship, it is a beautiful thing. Saver of sanity, that one.