An Essay

She is cold and hard while he embraces her. Far away safe in the recesses of her own brain. He doesn't notice, because he's never really known her. Through the passage of time all things reveal themselves. Over the last years their love stunted. Blocked by the invisible wall of baggage that some people just refuse to leave at the station. She's long since given herself a concussion from repeated bashings against it. The puddle of gray matter, only now beginning the forming of usable thought processes.
When he asked her to read his forum post, she knew it would be sad. She couldn't have fathomed the ton of emotional bricks that were about to land squarely on her chest.
The loss of a loved one is never easy. But what she saw destroyed her. Line by line it began to sink in. She would never know him, not the way she wanted to, or the way he thinks, not the way these interweb strangers do. His words poetic and profound, but only meant for her as a proof reader.
How surprised she was to learn of his thoughts to restart a band with the recently deceased. Awestruck by the way he wrote in earnest of his feelings for his friend. Left hollow at the knowledge that there is a void in him that she cannot fill. But they can? These faceless beings out in cyberspace?
Here in the carbon realm, she is trying to console him. Unable to fully surrender, even to her own grief. He's finally kind of reaching out to her. Ignorant to the fact that he just mangled her heart. Oblivious to the destruction of her feeble hope of someday finding a tunnel so that she may crawl into his heart. Clickity clacking away his feelings, even now. Hashing them out with those closest to his heart.
She will continue searching in vain for the path to his soul. After all, he opened up a little right? I mean even if it was just to tell her what he wanted to say to others. She at least finds a little comfort in the fact that he's talking to someone. She loves him enough to let him hurt her forever. She's already feeling a twinge of false hope wanting to creep in.


I mourn for the loss of the dead, more so, I mourn the loss of the still living.
Lynn N. Martinez 01-31-09

What it do?

Fabulous Freebies and other Awesomeness

Hello all! Today's post was saved by none other than my favorite freebies site. You should be relieved, as today's post was most likely going to be about the weather. Hey I can't help it, the random snow is nice. Anyway, before I completely wander off the path, more about HIF. My mom told me about "Hey it's free" after she seen it on her local news station. Being skeptical in nature, I was pleasantly surprised by what I found. Among the many tasty treats, and oddness that I find in my mailbox, I also now have a healthy flow of magazines thanks to this sight. Haha, I even joined their forums. The posts are done by a handful of people who troll the web for freebies, deals, and coupons. Now if only my fricken' printer worked so I could print out some of said coupons...hey Goob, how about a free printer cartridge??? He is the big cheese over at HIF , there is also Adam, Shaynon, and a couple of new people I am not yet familiar with. They are also having amazing contests from now until March. Check it out and start looking for your own freebies today. Can you tell I'm starting to get "link happy", damn OCD. *grin* Check it out, you won't be disappointed.

May I speak to Line please?

Two days and four phone calls later, FedEx made it here. *sigh* Mike's new thumb was sent from Portland, oh last Monday I believe it was. None the less, the driver finally called. I donned a highlighter pink beanie and ran out into the snow. Over the hills and through the woods, I finally landed on the sidewalk where he could see me. Yay! No more lurking by the window watching. On the way up the walk I glance at the packaging and notice the name printed in the "Caller" space. This is probably the most amusing misspelling of my name to date. It reads "Line Martines", hmmmm. I really didn't think it could be so marred, especially since I spoke to two different people. Who I might add, must have just thought Line was a common name around here, as they did not ask for a spelling. Then again my dumbass should have probably known that call was a whole lot less painful than it should have been. Ah well, this might be one scrap of paper I might actually keep.

Mass shootings and high speed chases

Obviously the posts have been few and far between these days. Trying to beat down resurfacing demons is time consuming. More than likely the subject of the last sentence will not be discussed here. None the less, there are also the ever present family/money/damn-it-I'm-out-of-wipes-again? problems circling in my brain. This weekend however proved to have a little more in store for the excitement department.

On Saturday nine people and a gunman were shot in front of some night clubs in the Portland downtown area. As much of you are aware I'm sure, the Pacific Northwest is more known for it's hippies than it's violence. Needless to say, this was the worst shooting in the city's history.

Last night Mike and I were watching Katt Williams on television when we heard sirens. We hear sirens often as the ambulance passes by here to go to Woodland eight hundred times daily. This time there was obviously several of them. Now, bear in mind that I think Mike might be a closet Looky-loo, or Siren Chaser, if you will. Up he jumps, and off to the window. I decided to follow. By the time I got to the window he was already hopping excitedly. I peered through the blinds expecting to see a couple of ambulances, maybe there was a bad wreck or something, right? Nope, there were at least 10 police cars racing towards us from Longview, hot on the tail of a car that I managed to miss, as it did not have shiny flashing lights. *Chuckle* What can I say, my eyes are automatically drawn to, "ooh shiny", as Mike calls it.

There is a silver lining to the shooting story that I believe I forgot to mention. The shooterdid shoot himself, but didn't manage to die. That's right, they saved his ass. Maybe for once, one of them will have to think about what he did.

I can't Breath

Sometime during the conversation my brain began buzzing. At least I think so. I do believe it was the addled gears beginning to fry. Yesterday it was Sunday, but today is Friday, how'd that happen. Less and less time to do anything. And once again, Phoenix just noticed what I was doing, and began his shit. I guess it is tomorrow that I will be trying to get the post that is eating my brain, typed.

Damn it!

Just when I was sitting down to do a decent post, the boy needs a diaper. Alas, I'll try again tomorrow. *tired smile*