He hung the moon

I feel like everything is a pissing match these days. Who has the better house, who has the nicer car, who has the smartest kid. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me. I just don't want to compare things. Especially my kid. As a child I was always being compared to someone else. She gave up her bottle and walked at 8 months, she could read by two. Yadayadayada, while I am glad my mother is so proud, I am also a wreck of OCD, and in a constant struggle to attain approval. I'll let you in on a little secret, I have never in my life been proud of anything fully, except my son. Nothing I do, is ever, or will ever be good enough, not in the adult world. Gone are the days when being the "best" is an attainable goal. I was always expected to do something great. I failed miserably at life.
Now here I am with a child of my own. I watch other people and listen to them talk about the ingeniousness of their child. And I feel like they are wondering if there is something wrong with me, or my child, because I do not laud his accomplishments from the tree tops. The thing is, I am still a little selfish, I hoard almost everything he does "the first time" to myself. I don't know when he reached what milestone, the truth is, I don't even know when what milestones are supposed to be reached. But I do know this, I have yet to meet the child who's done it earlier. Any of it. He was hours old when he started holding his own bottle. He slept through the night almost immediately. He was just under one week old when he decided he could roll over. When he decided to start talking, it was nearly immediately in full sentences. His grasp of vocabulary is astounding. So much so, that it's like having a small teenager in the house. He's not supposed to know how to hurt mom like that until puberty, lol. His musical talents are obvious, and he can keep a beat better than a lot of adults. He is quite ahead of the curve. He is already well on his way with his drums, and we started fundamentals of the guitar probably six months ago. His dexterity is at an insane level. He's only aloud a couple of hours worth of television a day right now. Something he likes to watch is "America's Best Dance Crew", I don't know why it still surprises me that he is mimicking break dancing. The other day I came in and he was balancing with one hand on the floor, his body parallel to the ground, pushing with his opposite foot against the side of the couch to hold himself up. All while doing some strange windmill like motion with his other appendages. Needless to say, his gracefulness far surpasses his mothers! *grins*. He amazes people regularly with his fine motor skills. There are a million reasons why I know Phoenix is a genius. And I guess up till now, just me knowing was satiating. But when he looks back and sees how other people gushed about their kids all the time, I don't want him to think his mama didn't feel the same way about him. He is the light in my life. He is the light in his father's life. He is the center and heart, of his entire family. He is my reason to breathe. So, just because you don't hear me talk about it, doesn't mean that I don't feel like other moms. My son is the smartest little being I've ever met. But it would be okay if he wasn't. I am blessed with the fact that I ever even got a son. I just want him to be Phoenix. I don't want him to be pressured, and rest assured, I am not comparing my child to yours. I don't compare children. They are what they are. He'll be stressed out soon enough. So here is my little validation for the world at large, and someday maybe his own eyes. Yes, he's a fucking genius. No, I probably won't start talking more about his accomplishments. I like to celebrate them just Baby, Mama, and Daddy. I should probably go, we are working on addition and subtraction today.