The sickies...I hate them

Okay I swear I am being tested. Last week it was some kind of weird head cold, which I don't think I'd ever really experienced before. Well, the baby feels better, Mike feels better..and I feel like death warmed over. I no longer have a head cold, but for the first time in my adult life, I am running a fever. Which in itself weirds me out, but added to the horrible stomach issues that are accompanying it, just plain out sucks. Unfortunately at this time, my O.C.D. seems to be in full on overdrive. Arguably there are many people who have been to my house and would say it's never "not clean", I beg to differ. I mean I already do some strange things like use an electric toothbrush to clean in the bathroom. Which, by the way, I have to say I thought that was a good idea regardless of O.C.D.. But even though all I wanted to do was lay on the couch yesterday in a sweat shirt and a blanket, (by the way Mike tells me it was 85 degrees out), I kept thinking of things that absolutely, positively HAD to be done yesterday. Bleaching the blinds, bleaching the floor, organizing parkas to donate, cleaning under my bed, organizing the four tubs of sort of random in the laundry room, trying to find someone to take my stroller, and pack n play, going through Phoenix's clothes, resolving the carpet, shining the door knobs, making a list of said things, and a myriad of crap that can probably wait. Oh yeah, and I am still failing miserably at quitting smoking, ( I can't wait for my white strips,lol).
I am also trying to decide if I am just Über sensitive, or Mike is really a dolt. I guess I have to remember that he is at a disadvantage as he is equipped with a penis. But seriously I know other Not-better-halves that at least try to help out when mom isn't doing so hot. By the way guys, saying "I'll do the dishes in a while" seventeen times and then getting faux pissy when she ends up doing them because she can't stand to see the damn things piling out of the sink and on to the counter, is not a good thing. In fact, don't be surprised if her head spins off. And for fucks sake, don't bitch about getting 4 hours of sleep ONE TIME in your fucking life. Especially when she is trying not to vomit up an intestine and has just stayed up an hour later than normal because she doesn't want to deal with your whining when she says "I'm going to bed" at the same time she says it every night because HELLO she gets up every day with your child. Oh yeah here's a newsflash, why don't you offer to get up with him for once. Just a thought, but maybe one day of you being a fucking grown up with your baby would help tremendously with the recouperating. Douche face.
The end.

Nine Words

In light of the fact that I am incapable of writing anything nice today as my best friend is being tormented by Satan and her cronies I thought I'd share a funny email that my mother sent me. I am not normally into forwards, but we are all in need of some comic relief at times.

          NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument
   when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means
   a half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes
   if you have just been given five more minutes to
   watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This
   means something, and you should be on your toes.
   Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a
   non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A
   loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
   wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
   and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to
   # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous
   statements a women can make to a man. That's okay
   means she wants to think long and hard before
   deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question,
   or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add
   in a clause here - This is true, unless she says
   'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is
   not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.
   that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous
   statement, meaning this is something that a woman
   has told a man to do several times, but is now doing
   it herself. This will later result in a man asking
   'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Can I borrow a cup of willpower?

So two weeks ago I decided that there were two big vices in my life that I can probably do without. The first one was Pepsi, and believe me that was hard. I'm now two weeks clean and I want one every second of every day. Sugary soda is not good in general for someone with sugar and kidney issues, but that alone was not enough to stop me. I now have to make myself remember that when I drink Pepsi, it makes my stomach feel like someone took sand paper to the inner lining. This is a good deterrent. Unfortunately cigarettes are the other culprit. And this one is a strange one, as I have quit once before. The day I found out I was pregnant with Phoenix I stopped cold turkey. It was easy, because I was doing it for the sake of my child. You'd think after 9 months of no smokes, I'd be over it. You'd be wrong though. The second he was no longer attached to my blood supply I wanted a cigarette, and BAD. I signed the paper from the hospital and stepped outside for my first dizzying feeding of my pet cancer, and have fed him every day since then. But I want to quit, I really do. I've tried having only a certain number a day, and I would gradually smoke less and less. Yeah that didn't work so well. I am smoking four a day still and no matter how hard I try it isn't working. So I went through all these crazy scenarios in my head but none worked. It is really hard especially when Mike wants to quit too, but cold turkey won't work for him. So even though he's smoking three a day, (a huge improvement), they are still in the house, and I cannot resist the temptation. Now I'm thinking I'll get some whitening gum, and that will keep me from doing it. Now best friend is going to help the cause by sending me her extra white strips, yay for good friends. And I am doing something that will hopefully jump start the process. Mike had to go to Portland today for a prosthetics fitting. He left at noon. I made him take the cigarettes with him and dumped the ash tray. He's got to stop for some groceries, and cash his check at the bank, and take care of the rent. So I'm hoping that he won't be back until sometime after dinner, and will then hide the cigarettes. I have had two today, but I'm hoping if I can make it until tomorrow, it will then be a little easier to refrain. Wish me luck. For now I'm going to emerse myself in the Playstation and hope for the best.

Huh?

Yesterday I had to walk down to the store and lo and behold there were city workers tearing up the sidewalk. In any other town I would think nothing of it. Except I'm in Kalama. I've lived here for one year now, and they are either really bored, or they are grinding up tourists bones and don't know what else to do with the dust except make cement. When I was moving in they had the whole sidewalk dug up and repoured. A month later they completely demolished the street and repaved. A month after that, they said the parking space lines weren't up to snuff, so they repainted. No big deal right? Only about a month after that, they ripped up the pavement again and redid the entire street. They took a little break, and then started at it again. They ripped the whole sidewalk up again about four months ago. Complete with ripping out all the trees on mainstreet. Including Twenty thousand dollars worth in front of a privately owned restaurant. The owner of said restaraunt had just paid to put them in. Kalama city officials said they don't fit with the "beautification" of downtown Kalama. Okay they finally get done doing that while I'm in California, so about the end of July. Then Mike calls me while I'm there and says, "you'll never guess what they are doing now". It's ten o'clock at night, what could they be doing? They apparently spent all night repaving the street AGAIN. Now it's September and they are ripping up the damn sidewalk for a third time in a year. Are you serious? Does any body else think this is a gross misuse of tax payer money? I mean if they have that much extra money laying around, maybe they could invest in some "interacting with outsiders" classes for the locals. Oh but wait, the sidewalk is perpetually repaved because people like me pay $250 dollars a month for water, sewer, and garbage. *Sigh* this place blows. But, it's also a black whole. Once you move here, it's too expensive to save up to move away.

I give up already

There is no use for mommy to try to be sick. I know what you're thinking, try to be sick? That's exactly what I've been doing for the past two days. Phoenix started on Wednesday and by Thursday Mom and Dad had it too. Unfortunately for mom only in the world of Daddy does that mean anything. Lay on the couch, play on the computer, make me watch shyte on the fucking military channel. You name it, it's okay because well he doesn't feel good. For Phoenix it makes it more tolerable for him to decide to be whiny and stay up a little later to wait for his medicine time.
But for mom, there is no rest for the weary. If I try and not do my job, the house falls apart. Nobody eats, the dishes pile up, and let's not talk about the laundry. I tried to not worry about those things, but it didn't work. I tried Nyquil for a few nights, but that doesn't really work when you have TWO children waking you up all night. So I forfeit. Because it doesn't really matter how I feel, the show must go on. That is the saying right? The first load of laundry is in, the coffee is on, Phoenix has already refused his breakfast, I've already cried, and I'm about to do the dishes that appeared over night in the sink.

Another year

I wanted to say something deep and profound. But the words just wouldn't come. Happy Birthday Robert. I love you.

Seal coughs and running noses

Yesterday was craptastic. For the most part of it, I don't want to talk about it because I can't be nice. Suffice to say I spent some time with Satan, and she was at her usual worst. After we got home things went down hill. He started with a runny nose, and that was all there was going on when he went to bed last night. But at oh 9:30ish began the horrible seal coughing. I am completely unprepared. Here in Washington they LOVE to pass out the narcotics left and right, but try to get something to ease your kids coughing and they look at you like your stupid. It's a good thing I know how much plain old Tylenol to give him, because you can't even call them for dosing instructions. You will be greeted with we don't want you to give him anything, it's best to let him ride it out. My question is how many of you fuckers sit idly by and watch your kid hack his brains out sounding like Phyllis Diller? Enter BFF with the normal doctor there in California. She has all the charts of all the doses that she is willing to share. So now I'm in a quandry because I know if I call the doctor's office they will do two things. First tell me not to give him anything at all. Second tell me to bring him in, and then send me home telling me not to give him anything. Or I can just figure out what the best cough syrup is to give him... Actually that means call Allie and ask her what the best plan of attack is. And then ride it out for a day or two to see where it goes before calling the doc. But I still feel like a bad mom because shouldn't I call the doctor even if that is the response? And then there is the whole other barrel of shit that comes with needing a ride to the doctor what with the guilt trip that unfailingly follows. *sigh* I miss home, and the village that raised me.

***disclaimer***
Parts of this entry may be incoherent due to lack of sleep ;)

Television and motherhood

All the house work is done, here I sit flipping through the channels. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Oooh a marathon of "House"! I've seen that once, I like him. Click.
It's a thin line. What you could and couldn't stomach. And what you can tolerate as a mother. I LOVED scary movies... until Phoenix. Now any of those babies could be him. Gone are the days of "I feel like crap, Court TV all day it is!" Now not only is there a little one that I'd rather not let watch certain things, every little thing means something totally different now. Any, and I mean any, situation can now be morphed into a possibility in our life. It's like there is an "insert child's name here", in every damn title. Okay so I'm watching "House", and in the first fifteen seconds I regret that decision. It was about sick babies. I'll go ahead and spare the details. But alas, I now had to watch the remaining 59 minutes, and forty five seconds minus commercials. I was stuck desperately needing to know that they save the day. Crying for most of the make believe story there in TV land. Why? Because I have a child now. And even though the story would have made me sad before. Once he debuted in the carbon world, this kind of thing wrecks me. Because I put myself in these situations. I drill myself on what I would do, how I would act, and everything else. Let me tell you, I can contort my brain in marvelously strange ways. On it goes until I find something to redirect my focus. Basically, I watch a ton of comedies, they feed my happy.

Pennies from Heaven

Rolling pennies. Three trips to the bank worth of loose change. That is after I get one more penny roll and two more quarters to finish off the 4th roll. Yes, I said fourth. But I"m not complaining by any means. In fact just the opposite. Besides the fact that it is somewhat cathartic for someone like me to get even the smallest pile of chaos sorted. It is because so many people love my child that they will rid their pockets of all coins just to watch him run smiling to put them in his bank. Never mind that I could just empty the bank and let him put the same coins in over and over. They look at me like I'm insane. And although there's another two pounds worth in California, the three plus canisters I have here are nearly completely rolled. I am blessed in the fact that so many people love my child. I am overjoyed that he has grandparents and godparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends that love him so much. I grew up surrounded by the same types. It takes a village... even the long distance kind works.

Writer's Block

So I haven't posted in a while and it bothers the crap out of me. The problem is that I have so many things bumping around in my brain that I can't seem to focus on one long enough to get a coherent thought out. I'm working on it, I promise. Anyway while reading the local paper yesterday I ran across a section called "Coffee Break" there were a few anecdotes that made me chuckle and I thought I would share.

A woman, ready to go to the store, stood at the door with her arms full of coats. Four little children stood at her side. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there.
handing him the coats, she responded, "This time you put on the children's coats, and I'll honk the horn."

An old man asked his wife to make him a hot fudge sundae. She went to the kitchen and ten minutes later came back wit ha plate of scrambled eggs instead. Seeing this, her husband flew into a rage and yelled, "Where's the bacon? I asked for bacon!"

Mrs. Bloom decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "I want you to paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, and a ruby pendant."
The artist replied, "But you're not wearing any of those things."
"I know," she said. "It's in case I die before my husband. I'm certain he'll get married again right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry!"

Hope you enjoyed a little comic relief, I know I did.

A lovely blog prompt

1. What is your occupation right now? Domestic Engineer-- house mom
2. What color are your socks right now? I can't breath with socks on
3. What are you listening to right now? My son sing Crocodile Rock
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Carrots
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes, if my left knee wasn't blown out in an unfortunate skating incident
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Allison, last night...
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? She's awesome with a capital AW
8. How old are you today? 28 in human years
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? uh today it's soccer
10. What is your favorite drink? Sailor Jerry and Pepsi
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yep
12. Favorite food? avocados
13. What is the last movie you watched? Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show
14. Favorite day of the year? October 14
15. How do you vent anger? Bombard Allison with f words and various other colorful language at 7:07
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Toys, what are these toys you speak of? I was born a grown up I'll have you know.
17. What is your favorite season? Camping Season
18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? yep
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Hello, nobody reads this blog, lol
21. Who is least likely to respond? The rest of the free world
22. Living arrangements? The vortex of weird weather Washington
23. When was the last time you cried? A few minutes ago
24. What is on the floor of your closet? clothes for donation and a hamper
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? Allison, but she sent it to me
26. What did you do last night? Talked to Allison and read some of Catch 22
27. What are you most afraid of? My son growing up in this fucked up place
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburger? plain hamburgers with spicy cheese
29. Favorite dog breed? English Bull Dog
30. Favorite Day of the week? Wednesday
31. How many states have you lived in? 2
32. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
33. What is your favorite flower? Some kind of orange thing, I think it is a lily of some sort and spider mums

Even nice dentists hurt

Just got back from having a bothersome tooth pulled. And although my dentist called me hun and kept assuring me that I was doing good, I was still terrified. Because as is the law of Murphy, my teeth were perfect...that is until I know longer had a cushy job and top of the line insurance. So here I sit, terrified. I have had exactly four teeth pulled in my adult life. And I use the term lightly because they were my wisdom teeth, and I was still in college far from adult, and my mommy and brother took me. He said he'd pump my face full of all the Novocaine I wanted, then was shocked when even though the pain wasn't completely gone, I didn't need anymore. I explained about the previous dentist and her aversion to my state health care. You know some people don't care whether you paid your taxes for your whole life, the second you are on aid you are as good as a degenerate crack head who's working the system. He looked genuinely horrified. At any rate, what was left of my poor tooth was not easy to get out and it involved some twisting and pushing and pulling. He apologized throughout the whole endeavor and I left feeling a little better about humanity, even if my face was already beginning to throb and I won't be able to smile again until I have dental insurance. End the end I think it went as well as it could have.

And now for the coming attraction

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am starting a new blog. The title is "What's up f*ckers?" And it's all about things that just plain irk me in some way or another. I figure this way I can keep all things sunshine and daisies and the miscellaneous stuff here, and the mental debris there. I'm told my ranting and raving can be comical at times, you be the judge.

Same bat time, same bat channel

There is something to be said for the invention of the telephone. Without it, moms everywhere would suffer psychotic breaks a lot more often. It's a little after ten o'clock and I just hung up the phone with one of my far away BFFs. We talk nearly every day. Sometimes it takes 15 separate phone calls, (like I said we are moms), to finish a conversation, but it works for us. We talk about God, we talk about kids, we talk about random, we talk about food, we talk about it all. We have perfected the art of the subject segue and of having two conversations at once. We honed the ability to hang up, and then an hour later continue the conversation precicesly where it left off. We actually got good at this in high school. You know, back in the dark ages before three-way-calling. She had friends from another city, and they would call often, and I would wait. I completed many a jigsaw puzzle this way.
Much like my conversations I'm already off subject. What I was getting at is this. If it weren't for knowing at 7:00 p.m. free minutes start and we can hash out our very random days and then try to forget them by talking about lifes many other funnies. Plus, she says fuck as much as I do. Sometimes it's more drama from the world around us, than not. But we always laugh at least a couple few times. And laughter, after all, is the best medicine.

Phoenix's weekend

We went to our friends house this weekend for a sleepover. On Monday Phoenix was introduced to sidewalk chalk. Well, actually he got sidewalk chalk for his birthday from his Godmother, but alas, we have no sidewalk. He promptly laid right down precisely where he had just colored. If you know anything about me, you are laughing at the discomfort that you know I was in. Anyway Jen sent me two pictures of him in his nice chalky, brand new sweatshirt. Damn it.

Heartbroken

Twelve years yesterday. The wound is still fresh. I am wrecked, my faith is wavering, and the straw is getting heavy. My father needs surgery, by brother is dying, two days ago one of my aunts died, and then came yesterday. Maybe it's the broken tooth's abscess draining into my bloodstream, maybe it's the fresh memory of family and friends. But my heart aches with a sadness that I cannot even find an analogy for. I prayed to my God last night, I begged him to help me find my way, to find peace, to find whatever it is that I need to find. I begged him to let me see. ..if he is giving me signs, I am blind. I am so emotionally overcharged, that I'm afraid my sadness will start jumping into other people. I apologize if this post is neither the happiest, nor the most coherent.