And so ends another chapter

Again I awoke with a heavy heart this morning. For what seems like an eternity now, I've been pondering life's nagging questions. You know, the ones that usually start with why. It seems that the stand out lately has been "Why am I always that friend?"
I'm the friend of convenience, need, or flight of fancy.
I am the friend that it's okay to cancel on because I'll understand. I'm also the friend that you can go without for long periods of time, until you are in crisis. To that repertoire, I also bring the "I'm bored" card. "I'm bored, no one else was home, what are you up to?" Yes, I hear this a lot. I also hear a lot of "I'm sorry it's been so long". Often thrown by the wayside when a new and/or long lost friend reappears in the picture. Only to be called upon a month later, when the novelty has worn off. Or even better, they've moved on, and so here I am waiting. The constant stand-by.
Here's the thing though, I'm getting old. I can count my friends on one hand, if that. I try to tend and nurture the few awesome friendships with the people I consider my compadres. It seems as time goes by, my circle shrinks. The only thing I can say to that is, the only way to hold on to sand is not to try and hold on. So this is where the path has led me. There will be no more e-mails, and no more phone calls. At least not the kind where I'm calling to see what you've been doing for the last 6 months that I've got no answer.