Heartbroken

Twelve years yesterday. The wound is still fresh. I am wrecked, my faith is wavering, and the straw is getting heavy. My father needs surgery, by brother is dying, two days ago one of my aunts died, and then came yesterday. Maybe it's the broken tooth's abscess draining into my bloodstream, maybe it's the fresh memory of family and friends. But my heart aches with a sadness that I cannot even find an analogy for. I prayed to my God last night, I begged him to help me find my way, to find peace, to find whatever it is that I need to find. I begged him to let me see. ..if he is giving me signs, I am blind. I am so emotionally overcharged, that I'm afraid my sadness will start jumping into other people. I apologize if this post is neither the happiest, nor the most coherent.