Nine Words

In light of the fact that I am incapable of writing anything nice today as my best friend is being tormented by Satan and her cronies I thought I'd share a funny email that my mother sent me. I am not normally into forwards, but we are all in need of some comic relief at times.

          NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument
   when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means
   a half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes
   if you have just been given five more minutes to
   watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This
   means something, and you should be on your toes.
   Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a
   non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A
   loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
   wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
   and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to
   # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous
   statements a women can make to a man. That's okay
   means she wants to think long and hard before
   deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question,
   or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add
   in a clause here - This is true, unless she says
   'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is
   not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.
   that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous
   statement, meaning this is something that a woman
   has told a man to do several times, but is now doing
   it herself. This will later result in a man asking
   'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.