June 6, 2008

The other night I was on the phone with one of my good friends when she said something about being a grain of sand in a barrel of shit. To this I replied I'd rather be a grain of sand in a barrel of other sand. To this she said "You probably haven't been sand in other sand since you were seven". The funny thing is that the statement seemed to hit me like this great realization. Now I have known that I have had more than my fair share of struggle, but I guess while I've always known it, I hadn't really thought about it that much. So of course in my strange brain this triggered a "why haven't you been thinking about it"? I proceed to over think it, a lot. I search my brain for a time in my oldest memories for a time there wasn't fighting of some kind. And then after a few hours of tossing and turning, it actually did hit me like a ton of bricks, I don't have any childhood memories that don't involve fights. Leading me right into questioning who I must have been in a past life, for surely I must have been a heathen. Another friend of mind mused about this the other day and thought I must have been Elizabeth Báthory,(virgin blood bather). Now I don't know that there even is a such thing as a past life, but it would definitely make me feel better sometimes. *smile*